Glitter in the Air

Saturday, January 21, 2012

To Live is to Learn

I feel really genuinely lucky to have gone through the pain that I have. I know most go through the same heartache of a break up, but some people do not, and I honestly think that those people are really missing out. I was told by my counselor that this is a great experience for personal growth and that those who don't experience it or let themselves grow from it miss out, and I believed her and agreed, but I couldn't feel genuinely lucky then, but now I can. On top of going through the pain, it's how I've chosen to deal with it that has turned it into a positive thing. I am so proud of myself! For where I'm at now, and how I got here.

With my previous heart-wrenching break up (before my recent one), I didn't handle the pain so well. I let it destroy me temporarily - in all areas of my life. Because of that I didn't grow as much as I have recently. But I did learn to not lose myself again, to take control and not let one thing destroy everything else. I do my best to not make the same mistake twice. I let myself feel pain, sadness, anger. I cried and I cried some more. I took the initiative to see a counselor - to help release my emotions in a healthy way, to gain perspective, to keep control. I dug down deep to find every strength in me to keep this control, to keep my heartache/pain/broken relationship separate from all of the other things in my life. I learned that I have a whole life!
I have relationships, I have friends, I have family, I'm getting an education, I have a whole city at my fingertips, I have work/internship, I have sports, I have hobbies (music), I have myself, and I have a world of possibilities and opportunities.

So recently my serious relationship crumbled - and yes, it was horrible. For a while that wasn't the only thing that was torturing my mind. I had a lot of stresses with school, I was struggling to find a (required) internship, and for the first time in my life I felt like what I wanted to do wasn't possible in any foreseeable future. But even feeling hopeless with half of my life, I still had the other half - friends, city, music, sports etc. So whenever I could, I would embrace the other half - the positive half. I had my moments when the negatives seemed so heavy that I would break down. But I never stopped having supports, and I sought out for 1 extra support - my counselor. So when I would break I could always go to her for understanding and perspective. Anyway, I have a whole life. When I'm in a relationship, that person is not my life, they are just a great part of it. And when a relationship is broken, my life is not broken. I still have a whole life, I just may be missing a great part of it (or maybe not so great). I am grateful for what I have learned through that painful experience. And I am proud because I know that I can give credit to myself for what I have learned, that I chose to learn, and I chose to be healthy and reflective and strong. As a result, I've only gained. I've gained perspective, independence, and more strength. And I could write pages upon pages of how I've gained all of those things. I'm happy, I'm wiser, and what I have learned is already bettering my life - how I make decisions, how I view myself, relationships and life. And the natural domino effect of these new positive perspectives is positive feelings - happiness. I have supports to thank, but I also have myself to thank. I got myself here. I'm ready to keep living so I can keep learning.

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