Support Unconditionally.

Started this a few months ago but just finished it... Lately I've been working on being less selfish. I wouldn't ever really label myself as a selfish person, but I think that maybe sometimes my reactions to peoples decisions if they affect me, have been selfish. I have taken away from their joy with my own selfish desires. When something has made them happy but me not so happy, I let my unhappiness show... maybe in hopes of getting my way, or maybe just because I naturally show how I really feel. But either way, I've realized that is me being selfish. Now that I've become aware of this, I'm doing what I always do.. trying to be better :).

I have noticed that most people support people conditionally, as opposed to unconditionally. For example: parents who claim to support their children, but really only support them when they are doing what they want and living how they want. Then as soon as a child makes a decision to do something different, not even "bad", but different, the parents no longer support them. And this can be the same with friends, relatives, lovers... anyone really. I get it. I get that it's because they think they "know" what's best. I am guilty of thinking I know what's best too... but enough already. Of course there are those times where 'they' might actually know better, but that doesn't even matter. If I've learned anything, it's that you really have to learn through your own experiences. It's the best way to learn, and with actual real life experiences it may be the only way to learn. Mistakes are okay, but what may seem to be a mistake for someone else, may be what's right for you. And if you aren't making your own decisions, then who's life are you really living? We are talking about LIVING, right? Not just existing...

With that said, being accepting as well as understanding allows me to be able to support the people I love in the greatest possible way - unconditionally! "I'm capable of loving without possessing", that's a quote p!nk said while her and her husband were separated. This is another part of being unselfish.. and I didn't understand it for the longest time. I thought to myself 'anyone could love someone without possessing them, duh!'. But I guess the difference is in the act of love, not just the emotion of love. And this doesn't even have to be a romantic love, but it can be love for anyone. You love, you support, and you accept 100% unselfishly. You act in their best interest with no hidden agenda's. But most importantly you trust them. And what I mean by this is that you trust that they are capable of making decisions that are in their best interest. You believe in them. You let them live their own lives, even if you have hesitation about a decision. You hope everything works out, and if it doesn't, you be there without any "I told you so's". If their life decision may affect you emotionally- you still smile and support what it is they want to do simply because you want them to be happy.. even if it means you might be a little sad. You learn that everybody's gotta live their own life the way that they want, and that those people that you care about... their happiness is what's most important. My friends and family's happiness is most important. So I choose to react in ways that make them feel good, no matter how I'm feeling.

On a side note. This doesn't mean my happiness isn't important to me. But my mindset of unconditionally supporting those that I care about, makes me happy. If I'm missing someone, this doesn't mean I miss them less if they're far away, it just means I'm okay with missing them, knowing they're happy and doing well and what's best for them. This also doesn't mean you should never let someone know how you're feeling, or keep all negative emotions in.. however, being selective about them is okay sometimes... but even better - finding a way to share your honest negative emotions while expressing your happiness for them is also important. Communicating honestly is always important and healthy, but never forget to emphasize the positive perspectives at the same time. (and here's where you see the counselor in me. hehe)

To Live is to Learn

I feel really genuinely lucky to have gone through the pain that I have. I know most go through the same heartache of a break up, but some people do not, and I honestly think that those people are really missing out. I was told by my counselor that this is a great experience for personal growth and that those who don't experience it or let themselves grow from it miss out, and I believed her and agreed, but I couldn't feel genuinely lucky then, but now I can. On top of going through the pain, it's how I've chosen to deal with it that has turned it into a positive thing. I am so proud of myself! For where I'm at now, and how I got here.

With my previous heart-wrenching break up (before my recent one), I didn't handle the pain so well. I let it destroy me temporarily - in all areas of my life. Because of that I didn't grow as much as I have recently. But I did learn to not lose myself again, to take control and not let one thing destroy everything else. I do my best to not make the same mistake twice. I let myself feel pain, sadness, anger. I cried and I cried some more. I took the initiative to see a counselor - to help release my emotions in a healthy way, to gain perspective, to keep control. I dug down deep to find every strength in me to keep this control, to keep my heartache/pain/broken relationship separate from all of the other things in my life. I learned that I have a whole life! I have relationships, I have friends, I have family, I'm getting an education, I have a whole city at my fingertips, I have work/internship, I have sports, I have hobbies (music), I have myself, and I have a world of possibilities and opportunities.

So recently my serious relationship crumbled - and yes, it was horrible. For a while that wasn't the only thing that was torturing my mind. I had a lot of stresses with school, I was struggling to find a (required) internship, and for the first time in my life I felt like what I wanted to do wasn't possible in any foreseeable future. But even feeling hopeless with half of my life, I still had the other half - friends, city, music, sports etc. So whenever I could, I would embrace the other half - the positive half. I had my moments when the negatives seemed so heavy that I would break down. But I never stopped having supports, and I sought out for 1 extra support - my counselor. So when I would break I could always go to her for understanding and perspective. Anyway, I have a whole life. When I'm in a relationship, that person is not my life, they are just a great part of it. And when a relationship is broken, my life is not broken. I still have a whole life, I just may be missing a great part of it (or maybe not so great). I am grateful for what I have learned through that painful experience. And I am proud because I know that I can give credit to myself for what I have learned, that I chose to learn, and I chose to be healthy and reflective and strong. As a result, I've only gained. I've gained perspective, independence, and more strength. And I could write pages upon pages of how I've gained all of those things. I'm happy, I'm wiser, and what I have learned is already bettering my life - how I make decisions, how I view myself, relationships and life. And the natural domino effect of these new positive perspectives is positive feelings - happiness. I have supports to thank, but I also have myself to thank. I got myself here. I'm ready to keep living so I can keep learning.