I am apologizing in advance – as I realize this blog may sound like a bunch of jibberish. You literally get to see all the thoughts bouncing around my head, and it may be hard to follow!
I took a quiz online a month or so ago – don’t really remember what it was about. But I remember one question on it that actually made me think. It was asking what I think when I first wake up – and I don’t remember all of the options but 1 was “Today is going to be a great day!” – I can say for sure, I did not click on this one, but I wished I could have, and have it be a completely honest response. When I first wake up in the morning (when it’s by alarm at least, as on a normal day it is) My thoughts are somewhere along the lines of “Nooooooo, I don’t wanna get up! Five more minutes (but then I hit snooze for 40 more minutes)… Can I afford to miss class today? This bed is sooo warm and comfortable. Shit. I actually have to get out of bed… hmmm at least I can nap later.” Then once I’m up I begin counting down the minutes till it’s time to nap… Doesn’t this contradict my “I need more time in a day, sleeping is a waste of life” thought that I expressed in a previous blog?? Yes. I am a walking contradiction.
Anyway, since I took that quiz when I wake up in the morning, and catch myself thinking about how I just want to stay in bed forever, I try and tell myself that “today is going to be a great day!” …I have to be honest and admit – as soon as I say that – I throw in a ‘but’ directly after. Goes a bit like this: “Nooo, I don’t wanna get up! No Mel, today is going to be a great day! - Buttt this bed is SOOO cozy, I don’t want toooo!!! No. Today is going to be a great day! – ahh screw it, I’m hitting snooze!” …. I have not been able to turn myself into a morning person – but boy do I envy those who are. I will keep trying to be more anxious to start my days in the morning – but even when I get to sleep in forever, I have to drag myself out of bed because I would rather just lie there all day. It takes until nighttime for me to be ready to do all the things I want to do. I don’t get inspired to write, or learn until about 10pm (it’s 3am now…. point proven??). Then I start all over again how I don’t have enough time in a day to do all the things I want to do. I don’t want to go to bed, I just want to stay up and learn and spend time on things I’m interested in. Can I just say that I drive myself crazy!!! If only I could just start my day bright and early. From the time I get up, till 10pm I am just going through the motions most of the time. I’ll be awake, but my passion doesn’t come out for hours! What a waste of every day. I need to find a way to be a morning person – but I guess you can only be one or the other – you have to sleep sometime. If I’m a morning person, and find my passion early on in the day, then I’m guessing at night I will lose the passion, and go to bed nice and early – either way, still not enough time in the day! Then again – once I find my passion for the day I can’t get myself to stop (which is why I am up super late), so maybe I would just get up early AND stay up late spending my time wisely… and then AGAIN… that might only last a day, because how can I really want to get up in the morning if I don’t get enough sleep at night??? Ahh! Life. What can ya do??
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