Shallowness...

So lately I’ve found myself overwhelmed with the amount of friends or people I know who have become overly obsessed with their body image. I have one friend (friend 1) who seriously has an amazing figure. 5’5 120 lbs. Proportionate, and has boobs (lucky). She’s always been really self-conscious, as long as I’ve known her. We’ll be getting ready to go out and she’ll look in the mirror and say things like “I wish I didn’t look like I was 300lbs right now”, sometimes even start crying. The other day she was like “I kind of feel like eating right now, but I’m just going to go to the gym INSTEAD.” … from what I've observed, the beginning of the year it was bulimia, now it’s anorexia (not full on though, but only getting worse) and she’s obsessed with working out. Oh on top of that, she will have sex with anyone because it makes her feel better about herself, regrets it every time, but just does it again and again. Another friend (friend 2) is very in shape, all of her weight comes from her muscle, buff – but not fat, very healthy – she calculates her calories every day, goes to the gym twice a day – eats, but VERY lightly, and is always talking about her next goal for how much weight she wants to lose. Then there are a few other friends, and even more associates.

Anyway, I really have been so aware of it all lately. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I give them my best encouragement, and compliments, and everything else I can think of. But I can’t change how they think/feel. Other people’s problems, have just been really affecting me lately (beyond self image).

I got on this topic tonight because as I was sitting in my friend’s room, watching a movie with the two mentioned above, plus a few others, I found myself having to walk out. I just couldn’t be there any more.

Okay this gets complicated trying to explain all this with no names…

The first friend I mentioned was being fine. But my guy friend – who also has self image problems was talking about one of my other friends, and he referred to her as “her name, the big girl” (friend 3). Okay first off. She is NOT that big. A little over weight, but not much, still has a fine figure, and is sooo gorgeous (and sooo funny). So right there I was already annoyed – rolled my eyes and said (insert) “HER LAST NAME”. Second, he has his own self image problems – is kind of bigger, but tall too – basketball player. He’s always trying to lose weight, dieting and working out, so he knows how hard it is. Third, this girl he was talking about, I just recently found out also is borderline anorexic. And she just got a tattoo, on her lower hip, so he was saying how a “girl that size should NOT have a tattoo there, ever. Friend 2 goes “oh yeah, Mel… was it you that was with me and ‘another friend’ the other day, when she was saying that she (the ‘big’ girl) is anorexic?” “yes”. Then she goes “I was like I don’t think so”. – So implying that she didn’t believe she was anorexic (borderline) because she was still bigger. So I got really annoyed and was like “I believe it. She has lost a LOT of weight since last year, and she’s always in the gym (really, all the time). Then I just left and went to my room.

Anyway. This all bothered me so much - really UPSET me, actually. Knowing that those two friends talking about her have their own self image problems, and how hard it is to lose weight – for that to come from THEM, especially, just really wasn’t okay. Plus knowing that that girl is really uncomfortable in her own skin, and that she isn’t eating properly just made it even worse. And the face that ‘friend 1’ was in the room. And she REALLY has an unhealthy self body image, and unhealthy way of trying to change it… for them to be judging someone else like that with her there, will only make her more aware of her own insecurities.

Anyway – hopefully you could actually follow that. People just make me sick lately. And society has seriously messed up a lot of girls (Pink’s “Stupid Girls”). I’m really bothered by how badly my friends feel about themselves, and how they deal with it, and really don’t like that there’s not really anything I can do about it. And everyone judging – I just need to leave. I don’t know where I need to go… wherever people aren’t so ‘low’, I guess.