The Power of Love

I keep writing posts and then it takes me forever to post them.. in this case almost a month.

Recent events have led me to contemplate love, true love. What it is, how strong it is, what it should be able to overcome, if it is all you need, if it's enough. What I do know, is we aren't supposed to find the answer to all these questions. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. It's what you make it to be. Throughout life peoples perception on love will change, there's no right answer, but each person is able to come up with their own beliefs about it, and we can discuss it, and take peoples thoughts about it, to form your own strongest, most thought out belief of the strength of love and what it should overcome.

Weeks ago, when my friend and her fiance broke up, I was talking to my girlfriend (current ex. we're working on things) about love. I was saying how I wondered if love should be enough to overcome everything else. Or if love wasn't always enough, if you can truly be in love but there's so much other shit that sometimes loving someone means you have to let each other go. I was leaning towards true love being enough. She said the same. Now I'm at a point where depending on what happens with us, my view may alter, maybe for a while, maybe forever. It's allowed. As much as I love getting into my own personal life, I'll stop here, and spare you all the little details of my own relationship. Otherwise this already long post will become a whole book that no one will care to read.

Right now, I still believe in true love. I believe that true love is strong enough to overcome everything else. I don't believe in falling out of love. That is a belief of mine that has never altered. I believe that there are two main parts of loving someone, which are obviously tied together but both are needed for survival. One part is caring for them in a way that is so pure and real. You want to be the one to protect them, the one they lean on, the one that believes in them and never gives up on them. The other part is loving who they are, the deepest parts of them, the beauty in their soul. Now with this, I think the little things matter too but everyone is going to have something they view differently, and disagree on and with love, I think acceptance also plays a huge role. I think for true love to conquer all, you have to let it. If you let those little disagreements over-power love, that it's not necessarily not true love, it's a weakness. Love is the best thing in the world, it brings the most happiness, safeness, deepness. I think it's important to in the midst of whatever stress, tension, or disagreement come your way, to just stop for a second, hold each other, breath, and know that because you have each other everything else will be okay.

You against the world, or you with the world?

History repeats itself. You hear that phrase all the time but do you ever stop to wonder why? I find myself thinking all the time; "I don't want to end up like 'other' couples" or "I don't want to get old and tired and consumed in work and obligations to enjoy life like 'everyone else' does" etc. I'm constantly realizing through other common (what some would call 'normal') examples exactly how I don't want to live, how I don't want to end up. In addition to that, I also think about how I do want to live my life. Although all of my thoughts on 'how to' are very vague. Starting with what I mentioned above that I don't want, I also want to live with a sense of adventure, I want to travel places, constantly try new things, fill my life with experiences and most importantly - with love.

These thoughts run through my head all the time, but then I ask myself if maybe it's a lot harder than it seems. It must be, right? There must be a lot more people than what I see who want to live their lives without being tied down to so many things. Is it really that hard to do that you don't see many achieve that lifestyle? Or maybe... most people really don't want that at all. "Normal" in this society is how I mentioned I don't want to live, but everyone talks about wanting to be normal. I used to want that lifestyle. I definitely don't anymore.

Think about relationships- if we're generalizing here, how do they tend to end up? From the outside, looking at many, I see couples everywhere where you wonder if they still love each other, or if they're just comfortable. They take each other for granted. Cuddling happens rarely. Doing things together seems almost impossible and not even enjoyable. Constantly looking for ways to find time alone. Jobs drag you down so you're too tired to care about anything else. Other stresses get taken out on each other. My biggest goal in my life. If anything. Is to make sure that does not happen to me. To make sure the person who I choose to spend the rest of my life with always be the most important thing. To make sure they consume a lot of my time, in enjoyable ways. I do believe that 'all you need is love". When you have love you can make anything enjoyable.

We choose our priorities, but so often we lose sight of what they should be. To be continued...

"You're smart, just not how they want you to be."

While just talking with a friend, I got into how I can't wait to graduate and live my life. So of course all my thoughts on the education system and society pile on in. I personally do not get any sort of fulfillment by sitting in a classroom or reading textbooks. And I definitely don't get anything but discouraged when I receive grades continuously over... my whole life... that are not as good as I'd like and that do not represent how much time and effort I put into my studying. The education system... and our society in general give all credit to those who are book smart, and overlook most everyone else.

School isn't the place for me. I want to live. I want to spend my time helping people, inspiring people, writing, working around music, traveling, meeting people, going places, seeing things. I want to learn by doing and by experience. Forget classrooms, and textbooks, and being told I'm not smart enough with letters and numbers. I have a lot of passion and a lot of things I'm interested in, and when it comes to something I enjoy and I care about there's no stopping me, I'll do a lot, but I have to be given the chance. And I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who are the same way.

I personally don't even want to work for money, I just want to do what I love for free. Obviously I have to work for money, I can't survive without it, but I'd rather spend my time helping people in ways that don't pay. I want to make a difference and I don't need money to motivate me to do it... except I do in this society.

There are a lot of different people out there, the education system does not do half of them justice, but we're forced to conform to get by and have a shot at success. You don't have to have all A's to be successful in the real world. A's don't tell you that you're smart and F's don't tell you that you're stupid. All they tell you is that you are how 'they' want you to be or that you aren't. (another friend brought that to my attention while I was saying I've been struggling with my grades this semester even though I've been so engaged, and that 'I'm not smart') Some people can remember every word they read in a text book, while reading at 100 miles per hour. I can't remember half of what I read if I take 100 hours. Some people process things slower than other people, can't think to their full potential under pressure - that's me. Some people freeze up in front of a class - it doesn't mean they don't have anything good to say. Some people are better visual learners, some hands on, some just listening or reading.... but each teacher chooses their style, and the kids who don't learn as well in that style suffer. Teachers should be more concentrating on each individual meeting their potential and succeeding in their own way, than forcing 1 standard for each individual to meet. All that does is set people up for frustration, discouragement, and failure.

On top of all that.... the curriculum needs some major tweaking (to put it kindly). Once you get out of elementary school, you should be learning things beyond one shakespeare and where to put a comma. In an interview of P!nk once, she put it just how I always tried to, they should "teach us how to be better human beings, instead of teaching us how human beings from 300 years ago weren't that great"... Sure history is important, but what's the point in learning history if we don't even know what's going on today?? We're creating history right now aren't we? ... but how many people don't even know half of what's going on? If people in the future are going to learn about what's happening in our lifetime, shouldn't we know what's going on too? People develop an interest on their own over time to pay attention to political and social issues going on, but how many people leave the education system, and enter the real world blind-sided? ... And I'm speaking completely hypocritically right now, as I haven't paid enough attention either, but it's too easy to not pay attention. Maybe if we new what was going on in the world our whole life, when it came time to be a part of that world, to be making decisions and and contributing to society... maybe we would have less issues, less people voting for things that they have no clue about. And if you're aware of more of the hate and problems in the world at a younger age... maybe you'll make more loving decisions in the future. People are too oblivious to so many problems... trapped in their own bubble, and get too consumed with little petty things, that those petty things either contribute to bigger problems, or keep you from trying to solve the bigger problems. People also just need to learn more life skills, and how to be independent and maybe focus on other things than a new shakespeare play every year. Where's that going to get you? Why bother acting it out? That's not going to impact your life. Help people find meaning to their lives, rather than making everyone go about their life the same way.

I feel like I could probably write a whole book on just this topic.. I'll just stop myself here.

Just give it time, you'll find a reason...

Without the struggles I've encountered I wouldn't be who I am today, wouldn't be where I am today, wouldn't know everyone I know today, and wouldn't want to go where I want to go in life today. I wouldn't have grown so much, wouldn't be open to as much, and wouldn't be the contemplator I am today...

I know for me, the hardest thing when something goes wrong is when I can't find a reason for it. I can search and search for a reason, and when i don't find one right away, that's when I begin to trip and fall. There are so many obstacles in life, but each one of them leads to what comes next. The bigger the obstacle is, the more significant it is to what comes next. Sometimes what does comes next could be a days later, weeks later, months later, and even years later. But you have to give every event the chance to prove there is a reason.

Whether you are heart broken from a break up, your grades are suffering when you work your ass off, you have a death in the family way before it 'should' have been their time, you lose a job, you have family issues, addictions, money issues, or if you have anything standing in the way of your current dreams etc... It will lead to good if you give it the chance. And the quicker you realize that, the quicker the good will come. Maybe it will be struggle, after struggle after struggle... but even then, don't give up hope on happiness. You're allowed to dwell, and mourn, and be sad and angry, but in the midst of that, while you're asking yourself why? how? what's the reason for this? And you're not getting the answers, know that there is an answer, that you will get the answer someday. Sometimes people will never find the answer as to 'why?' etc... but that's only when they don't ever let themselves see it, when it's really right in front of them.

Every event truly is a learning opportunity; you learn about yourself, you contemplate the world, you gain different perspectives on things... That's the biggest one, with every obstacle thrown at you, if you're letting yourself learn from it, and gain that new perspective.... that's where the first reason is found, that new perspective will lead to the next chapter that is 'good'.

These events will lead you a different path, you're new views will take you some place different in life. You may find another lover who you could have never expected to be so great, you could find more meaning to your life, find new interests, explore new things, get in a different job field where you truly find passion when you never even though of doing that before. Your newly gained perspective can take you places you would have never gone.... physically and emotionally. You'll meet people that you wouldn't have met before. Each obstacle will push you, pull you, lead you through different pathways in life, and even if it takes years to be stable or find happiness, it will come the sooner you let it.

You learn from pain, and even when the struggle is so rough, and so unfair, and so undeserving... it can bring you to a better place... and even if you would trade anything for things to have gone 'right' in the first place... just know that there's a whole world out there, nobody's life goes according to 'plan' and nobody has a life without struggles. So grieve, and mourn, and cry, and be angry. But know that if you choose to learn from the struggles, that's the first reason for it - and when you take what you learn and do something important with it, that's the second reason for it - and when you aren't even aware of where that struggle has taken you or how you have learned from it, know that that unexpected happiness that you have found may have never come in the same form and that's the third reason for it. Allow yourself to constantly grow, don't give up on happiness, live your life the way you choose, and allow your plans to be altered, and while smiling, graciously climb onto the roller coaster of life, let it take you for a ride, and soak up the scenery :)

Embrace The Happiness There Is

Growing up, I was always super judgmental of everyone. I was a preppy goody-two-shoes, athletic, always did all my homework, never got in trouble at school, dressed conservatively, just plain and boring, but I thought how I was was the 'right' way to be. If you dressed 'dorkier,' 'sluttier', 'punkier' etc. or didn't care about school, or just didn't see things how I did, I thought you needed to change your ways and be more like me. Now... I'm trying to figure out how I could everrrr think that way. We're always taught the 'golden rule' by the age of 5: treat others how you want to be treated... of course most people don't follow that rule... but there's a lot more to be focused on than just that. We're taught what's right and wrong, and good and bad, but most things aren't so black and white. We forget to teach kids to accept everyone, we forget to teach them that there's too much hate and sadness in the world to bring others down and try and stand in the way of their happiness. Although, it's not really that we forget to teach them these things, it's that we haven't learned it ourselves.

How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? And how many of those people actually know you and what really goes on in your life? Behind your smile... do they know when your family is falling apart, if someone close to you is involved in drugs, or abuse, or has an eating disorder. Do they know if you're having relationship issues, if your heart is broken, if someone close to you just passed away? Do they know if you're stressed out about school, or work, or money? Do they know if you feel alone, lost, or hopeless? Do they know if you're figuring out your sexuality? I bet nearly everyone can count on one hand how many people in their life - in this world - know about half of those things that are actually going on with them. And most the time probably 0-2 people actually know everythinggg that's going on with them. ..

So why do people waste their energy tearing people down? Judging what a person wears, what a person enjoys, how a person looks, what a person does, who a person loves (especially who a person loves)... just let everybody live their life, let them spend their time doing what keeps them okay... or even makes them happy. It's their life. Why do we worry about judging what makes people happy when there are so many bigger problems in the world, so many reasons for unhappiness. Nobody has an easy life, life is full of all of those unavoidable problems listed above, so if someone gets overly excited about the smallest things, let them, if they like to spend their time reading, writing, playing sports, being spiritual, doing art, being a band geek or in a math club, learning about insects or airplanes (hehe)... doesn't matter what they're doing, you should look at everyone with a smile with the awareness that they have found a way to enjoy themselves.

Look at the world with a smile, because behind closed doors, there are people who are crying, fighting, stressing, lonely, hopeless, and worried... There are people who have lost loved ones, had their heart broken, are sick or abused etc. You don't know what goes on in peoples lives, just like they don't know what goes on in yours, so instead of giving anyone a hard time, judging anyone, taking away any bit of joy someone has... acknowledge that they are are doing something that makes them feel good, and just smile, knowing that they have that bit of joy. You should feel good about anyones happiness, not want to bring them down.

And with the awareness of being unaware of what goes on in peoples lives, smile at those you pass on the street, have a conversation with someone who looks like they might need a friend, go out of your way to give a complement and reach out to someone having a bad day. A simple smile could make someone's day a little bit better, or you never know... maybe even keep someone alive.

What's 'right' vs. what's 'best' ...

My last entry brought another thought to me: Is what is right the same as what is best?? I'm not sure anymore... When we make decisions, should it be on what is right or what is best? I think that sometimes what is best will lead to the most happiness... but what is 'right' is more ethical... So if I'm saying to find the most happiness you can... should you do what is best for your happiness? or what is 'right'? Of course sometimes there is a line. If you successfully can rob a bank and that will make you happy... what is 'right' should rule over what is 'best' ... cuz obviously you should never rob a bank.... but when it's smaller things... I use to always lean towards what is 'right', but I don't know anymore... I think that maybe there isn't any point in doing what is 'right' morally if it's going to create the lesser amount of happiness. If somebody hurts you, and you don't think that they deserve to be forgiven because they've done you so wrong... should you get past that and forgive them because it will create both of you way more pain to lose them? Or should you not forgive them because maybe it would be disrespecting yourself if you did, and that wouldn't be 'right'? ... I'm all about respecting myself and have always said to do what's 'right' ... But maybe forgiveness is what's right?? Maybe you need to forget your pride for a bit and just forgive... or maybe that's just what's 'best' ... I don't know any more... will have to contemplate this some more... Thoughts??

Life Inspiration...

Sometimes it's hard to see past what is lost or might be lost... or what you are lacking in your life. But my only advice can be to live your life to the fullest, despite what is lost.. or what you lack... because everyone is always looking for a point in their life. So why do nothing with it? Why let yourself be unhappy? I'm not saying there aren't events in your life that won't make you unhappy... of course there will be plenty. And yes you can take time to be sad about it, and yeah you're allowed to let it affect you... but after some time... pick yourself back up. Find the joy. Focus on what you do have... orrrr what you could have. Make the best of it. Find a realistic place of happiness or comfort for you to be in, and bring yourself there. Do things that you want to do. Figure what it is you can do to be the happiest you can. Don't let life carry you... you need to carry yourself. You do have control over your life... no, not every event. But you can choose what to do with what you have. No, I don't know what the point of life is, or if there's any specific point at all. But I'm pretty sure you can choose to make there be a point or not. Maybe there is no reason why any of us is here. But we are. So take your life as your own, and make it what you want it to be. There's so much in the world, find what you want to do, where you want to go... and make it happen. Sometimes they won't happen... sometimes things are out of reach, but forget about that. Search within reach, but stretch it as far as possible. Seriously, make goals - reach them. Whether they're about success or just about pure pleasure... you have the power to make your life have a purpose. Whether that purpose be to change something, to help someone, or to fill less than 100 your years here with the most knowledge, experience, and joy that you can. There might not be a reason for us to exist before we get here... but once we're here it's in our hands to make a purpose for ourselves. There is no point in always being sad, unhappy, angry and unfulfilled... so change it... if you're not happy... figure out what will make you happy, and go get it.